Friday, May 31, 2013

Missionary Girlfriend Problems: Q & A

So lately I have been receiving a lot of emails, comments, and messages with different questions from girls in different circumstances. Some of you are biting your nails as you count down the days till your sweetheart leaves. Some of you are staring at your clock, counting down the seconds, because your elder only has weeks till he comes home to you. Some of you (like me) are stuck somewhere in the middle. Some of you are going to be serving missions. Some of you are going to college. Some of you are still in high school. And some of you don't share the same belief as your elder.

Whatever your circumstances may be. I assure you it is hard for all of us. No one quite gets the pain of watching your roommates go out on dates, never having any one to text, crying yourself to sleep because you just wish he was there to tuck you in, frantically anticipating that weekly email, and becoming best friends with your local post office.

Being a missionary girlfriend is lonely a lot of the time. My best friends would never let me complain about me missing my elder because I "chose this life." I just wanted to scream in their faces every time like "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU MET YOUR HUSBAND AND HE HAD TO LEAVE YOU FOR TWO YEARS IN ORDER FOR YOU TO GET MARRIED!? HUH!?" But instead I just shut my mouth and decided to suffer in silence because no matter how much I would try to explain it to them, I knew they would never get it.

Ladies, we don't have to be alone. We all know what it is like crying when you get a letter, not so secretly planning your wedding on Pinterest, keeping a countdown on your wall, and stressing over stupid stuff "like what if he meets his wife on his mission" K. No. Not going to happen. We just get what it is like to be a missionary girlfriend. So let's unite together and comfort each other during this journey. We are all children of the same Heavenly Father and I see no need for us to be strangers any longer. BRING ON THE FRIENDSHIP!

K. Now down to business.

Q & A with Caa:

Q: My elder is leaving soon, what should I give him before he leaves on his mission?
A: Okay ladies, you want to give your elder things he will see every day. That way he will always have a little reminder of you. I'll keep the list simple-
Book of Mormon with your testimony written in it
Tie & Tie Clip he can wear often
A wallet sized picture of you that he can show off to people
Type out one of his favorite scriptures and print it out and put it in a frame
Give him a journal that says "For the times when you need someone to talk to" this way he will be able to write down all his thoughts and maybe one day you can read them all
Give him your favorite picture of you two and frame it (make it personal)
Oh and don't forget to have a photo shoot with him before he leaves. YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

Q: My elder hasn't been writing me every week, should I be worried?
A: No. My elder hasn't written me a hand written letter for like months haha. It is just easier for him to email, so we do that. Your elder has many responsibility that we don't even think about. Sometimes finding time to write can be tough. Don't worry, keep writing :)

Q: How do you find time to send cute packages?
A: Good question. Honestly, I don't really know haha. Last semester I was a full-time student and this semester I work full-time. Every time I come home I just want to sleep. But I find joy in making little crafts for my elder. I often make packages and cute letters on days that I have off or on Sundays. Also, I work on packages for weeks before I want to send them, that way I have time to figure out new ideas and am not rushing myself before the send date.

Q: My missionary is coming home, what should I give him?
A: K. I hate you. So jealous right now. I would give him a cute little picture booklet that catches him up on what you have been doing for the last two years. "Since You've Been Gone." Fill it with pictures and descriptions. This way he will feel like he hasn't missed any time at all. And at the end of the booklet I would create a list of thing to do with him now: "The Past Two Years Were Great, But I'm Ready For A Date." Also, give him a hug and kiss. You have a lot of time to make up for!

Q: My missionary's parents don't take me seriously. What should I do?
A: Prove them wrong. Stick around and show them you are serious. Be a sweetheart. Get to know them, hang out with them, and talk to them often. This takes time, but they will come around even if it takes two years and a wedding. They will get that you are seriously in love with their son.

Q: What should I do to get my mind off of missing him?
A: Something that I have learned is that you don't have to stop missing your elder to be happy. These next two years aren't about distracting yourself as much as possible so you can "get by." Embrace this time you have to get to know each other even more and to get know yourself. To help you cope with this shock of being away from your elder lean on those who love you. Remember those friends you use to hang out with? And your family that lives with you? These people aren't complete strangers. They love you and want to be there for you. Trust me. Also another thing I like to do is go to places I use to go with my elder, eat the food we use to eat together, listen to our songs, and look through pictures. This isn't something to run away from ladies. THIS IS REALITY.

Q: How often do you send letters? And packages?
A: Okay well.... when I was a better girlfriend haha I used to send like 3 letters a week and a package every month. But I got more and more busy with school and now work. So I send about a letter a week, if he is lucky two. And then I send packages still about every month or every 6 weeks. Basically anytime there is a special event coming up (anniversary, birthday, mission mark, holidays, etc) I send a package. I think it is important to send a letter every week and then packages whenever you can. Your elder will appreciate what ever and whenever you send something :)

Q: How do you stay so positive?
A: Oh if only you could see me on the days I eat a tub of ice cream to suffocate my tears. Being a missionary girlfriend is NOT EASY. Like "Hi, I'm Carly. I'm in love with my best friend and want to marry him, but I can't see him for the next two years. Oh and did I mention we can't call...or text...or visit each other...but I'm going to wait for him." AM I CRAZY? Apparently I am. However, something I have learned is that positivity is a choice. If I wanted to, I could cry every single day for the next two years. But I won't because I am happy and I know I've been blessed to have met my sweetheart so early in my life. Positivity comes through getting to know your Savior and that HE understands you. It comes through constantly choosing to see the good in every thing and every one. It comes through faith in God and His plan for you. And it comes through counting your blessings each and every day. "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

I know life is full of trials and questions ladies.
I can not answer every question & relieve every burden.
But their is some one who can and that is Jesus Christ.
He can get you through anything and He will answer any question you have.
I promise you that.
I love you ladies & the Lord loves you.

More Q & As coming soon! Feel free to email me or leave a comment with your questions!

Stay Positive my loves, Make a new mg friend, and remember:





  1. My missionary left a week ago and it has been harder than I thought! Your blog is so uplifting. It helps me through the tough times and takes the sadness away for just a little bit

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  2. Hey Carly!:) my missionary is leaving next Wednesday, and I've been struggling a bit with everything! I am sooo excited for him and for everything he's going to learn and for the people he's going to teach! I am so grateful I stumbled on your blog:) this last Q and A made me cry. Thank you for making this blog! You are so awesome and I will definitely be following your blog!:)

  3. My missionary left this morning. Took him to the airport and everything. I must say this is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. Im struggling to keep a good outlook on this. Any ideas on what I can do?

  4. Thanks Carly :) my missioanry left last Wednesday, thanks for this post! Today has been the hardest so far... but this helped a ton knowing there are girls out there that get it :)

  5. I know its a little early.. but what should I do for a Christmas package??

  6. My missionary left Wednesday...thank you so much for the positive comments. Definitely helpful. I'm so grateful to know there are others out there going through the same thing!

  7. Thanks Carly!! My missionary left exactly a week ago and it's been rough thinking about it all the time Haha . Thank you for your testimony and strength! I love the fact that I'm not alone in this.

  8. Ahhhhh this is amazing! My missionary only left on Monday and I thought I was overreacting because everyone around me seemed to be so happy and I was so upset! Im so glad I found this page!!! wew I feel a lot better! haha thanks for the great advice!!

  9. My missionary left a month ago. Hardest. month. ever. And I'm emotionally torn when I get his letters/emails! I'm so happy to hear from him and know how he's doing, but I miss him even more! Two years without his hugs and silly personality is going to be tough. But it's alright, because I'm so proud of him and wouldn't want him to be anywhere else(:

    1. Definitely not alone. My missionary is leaving today, but he can't talk to me anymore because he just got set apart last night. This has been the hardest week preparing for him to leave. Even though I am so proud of him for what he is doing and how he has gotten there, part of me just wants to make him stay home and hold him. I know he feels the same too. I just continue to have faith that this will get better and easier for both of us, and I will be able to be happy instead of feeling like my heart has been torn out of my chest.

  10. My missionary has 5 months left and i couldn't be more excited...and nervous. I havent heard from him in 2 months. Everyone tells me that hes serving the lord and I shouldnt be selfish, but its soo hard. What do you suggest and should I be worried because he hasnt written in so long?

  11. Hi...
    My missionary left today, and its already hard. There are so many things i wish i had done for him or given him before he left, and i feel so stupid that i forgot to do the simple things like asking for his email address, and giving him mine to remember. I am so worried that because of that mistake, he won't be able to contact me, and there is nothing i can do about it.

  12. Well this is the best thing I've ever read. My missionary left on Wednesday, and if anything, I would advise anyone to ask him to give you a priesthood blessing before he goes. It's so amazing and such a sweet experience you two can have together.

    1. I asked my missionary for one the night before he left, and it's been the greatest blessing. I am able to cope with his absence more than I previously thought I could. It's amazing how the Lord really is there to help us, He doesn't want us to go through these hard struggles without a little help.

  13. Seriously this has helped so much! My elder left a week ago and it has been so hard but your blog is so uplifting! Thankyou so much:)

  14. My missionary hasn't even left yet and I'm already bawling every time I think about not being able to see him. Today for some reason was especially hard. I am utterly and completely in love with this boy and can't imagine life without him. Reading this blog and knowing I'm not alone really calmed me down and helped me a bunch and I just wanted to say thankyou.

  15. I loved this SO much. My missionary is currently in Provo and I am only a few hours away. I miss him every day but this makes it all better!! Thank you!!

    P.S. Congrats on your engagement!!! (:

  16. Missing my missionary, being a second generation on his side is hard.....
    even thou i see him one time per month, txt everyday, i miss my man

  17. Hi! Here is my issue: My missionary is leaving in two weeks and I am not part of the LDS faith. I have gone to church with him a few times and I have done A LOT of research and right now it just doesn't seem like I will ever want to be baptized into the church. I have tried to explain that as much as I love him I would only join the church for myself and not only doing it for somebody else. He is pretty certain that we will be together again in the future, (as much as I want that) but I do not know how to handle this. I will write to him because he is my best friend and will write to him even if things do not work out in the future, I will still write occasionally. Should I just keep talking to the missionaries and reading the Book of Mormon or should I give him up?

    1. To anonymous:
      I definitely think that you should keep talking to the missionaries and reading the Book of Mormon. I testify that this is a true testament of Christ and is ths word of God. I don't know if you and your boyfriend will end up together but I do know that this restored gospel can bring you incredible, eternal joy. A joy that is hard to comprehend. If you have a true to desire to find out if this is true, you can. Ask the missionaries how and pray about it. Your boyfriend is giving up 2 years of his life to help others learn of Christ and experience this joy. I believe that because your boyfriend loves you he is trying to share this joy with you. Good luck!

  18. ^ To anonymous:
    I definitely think that you should keep talking to the missionaries and reading the Book of Mormon. I testify that this is a true testament of Christ and is ths word of God. I don't know if you and your boyfriend will end up together but I do know that this restored gospel can bring you incredible, eternal joy. A joy that is hard to comprehend. If you have a true to desire to find out if this is true, you can. Ask the missionaries how and pray about it. Your boyfriend is giving up 2 years of his life to help others learn of Christ and experience this joy. I believe that because your boyfriend loves you he is trying to share this joy with you. Good luck!

  19. I am having an issue as well. I am a recent convert and I absolutely love the church and everything about my "new life." Everything has changed for the better! My issue is that i have fallen for the missionary that converted, baptized, and confirmed me into the LDS church. He has said he will be back to visit me when his mission is over and that I have made a huge impact on his life. There are several things that make me feel like he might feel similar feelings towards me, but I am unsure. Also, I know he isn't able to discuss relationships and he is to keep his mind pure which I completely respect and agree with. I in no way intend to tell him how I feel while he is on his mission because I don't want to be disrespectful and i want him to continue to do well and serve the Lord the best he can without getting distracted. I wrote him a letter to read AFTER his mission but I am scared of what his reaction will be and I really wish I knew somehow how he felt towards me for sure, so I can know if I should wait for him or if he doesn't feel the same then to move on. He has one year left and I have no problem waiting for him just because of how strong my feelings are for him and how well we click. I think i just need some advice on what to do so that this next year I don't spend wondering how he feels, but without doing it in a way that goes against his mission rules and his mission in general. I forgot to mention he leaves in five days. I have had a few times already (almost everyday for the past week) where I have had a break down and just started crying. Some days are worse than others though, then there are days where I don't cry at all. I am so confused though because he isn't even gone yet and I am already crying a lot... Please help! :/

  20. I'm one of those who aren't LDS and technically I'm not dating my Elder. He's one of my best friends, but I don't know if i should wait for him. We weren't more than friends but I like him

  21. I realize you wrote this awhile ago but this helped me feel not so alone. I meet my missionary in January of this year and at first I didn't think it would go anywhere but then we started texting all the time and skyping( because he lived three hours awat from me). He became my best friend in a few short weeks. He made me laugh all the time and smile like no one else could. Then he left...... I didn't know I could miss someone so much after a few weeks. I swear I'm driving my friends crazy! So I'm different from a lot of you, we never really dated and we only meet in person a couple of times. That being said I was never his girlfriend ( he did say he loved me before he left but...) so I'm not sure how much of the "girlfriend stuff i should do : like letters and packages...... If you have any thoughts that would be great ! :)

    1. Hello, I think you should definitely continue writing to him! Just as girlfriends write to him as his "best friend" and not so much in a mushy romantic way, I think it would be beneficial to do that. Missionaries can always use the extra love and support from people back home! And by keeping in contact with him, it might be easier to grow both your relationship onto something more once he arrives back.

      And as for the packages, it entirely depends on how close you feel to him. Keep what you send him light and humorous, and that will put a smile on his face. :) It doesn't have to necessarily be romantic, it can be fun and thoughtful.


  23. Hey Carly, my missionary is serving in brazil, and i will be leaving soon too. We will serve and return the same time due to our birthdays and our luck haha. Any ideas on what i can do during the mission for him?

  24. Thank You Carly so much! I've been struggling for the past month and my missionary hasn't even left yet! He's leaving in like 13 days and I cannot help but bawl every time we hangout! we've been best friends for 3 years and been together for 1 year total of knowing each other 4 years. HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE! I honestly don't know how ill cope but I'm grateful to of found this blog thank you so much!